You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
