how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
