i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oh god it's open bar.
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