I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
