Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
