Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
