yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
