Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
