when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I touched a dick in church today
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
