Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm just crazy horny about you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
