Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
