So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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