I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
