weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
