we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
