So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
