Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
