I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
