Soap is not a condiment
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
