we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
