did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
