Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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