My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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