i permit you to call me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
