is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
