This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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