i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
