you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
