So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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