Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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