What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
