i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
