Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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