Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
