C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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