Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
