Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
