It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
