I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's shark week go big or go home
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
