she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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