Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
