i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
