I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
