i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
