I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
