my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
