Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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