Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
