I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
