i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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