Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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