You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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